So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
