she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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