it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
