I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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