I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
