yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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