Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
