i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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