you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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