i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
