Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
