If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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