have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
