We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
