My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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