I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
