I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
