apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
