you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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