...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
