i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
