you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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