Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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