A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
