so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
