Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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