Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We need to get me chipped asap
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