3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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