Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
