sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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