Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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