but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
