Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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