I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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