so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
