Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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