By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You ate ashes out of my bong
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
