I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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