Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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