I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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