I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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