Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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