i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
