Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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