Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
