Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
