i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
