No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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