wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
