I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
