I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
