you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
