Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
