It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
