im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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