Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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