after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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