It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
