Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
