k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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