dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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