He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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