Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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