My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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