im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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