I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
