Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
