This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
