Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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